As the Snow Falls

When I close my eyes,

I glance to the skies

And see your face

Imprinted

Where the clouds should rest

The waves crashing upon

The shore

Become your words gliding

Into my ears

Creating melodies,

I strain to hear

The sun on my skin

Becomes your hand

In mine,

Sending a shiver

Racing, up my spine

The heat spreading

Till I’m engulfed

In flames,

Then suddenly

I feel a pressure

On my lips

And flutter my eyelids,

Waking from my dream

I love you

she says, a smile appears

I love you too, mom

I say, thinking that should be clear.

Or so I thought,

But I guess i thought wrong,

As my mom breaks down,

tears,

streaming,

Mom, I’m Sorry,

For whatever I did

I whisper, so silently

Why not louder?

Recently I’ve begun to see the true impacts going to boarding school has had on my mom. As y’all know, I’m a normal teenage girl so obviously I have my issues with my parents and this is even intensified by my excess freedom at school. Unfortunately, the same thing happens with my mom- she’s a loving parent, sometimes even a bit overprotective and she doesn’t want our mother-daughter bond broken, and with me being away at school I think she feels that it’s becoming stressed. At the same time, I just want space. I’m still a kid in ways, but more of an adult than ever before. I want advice from my  parents, but only when I ask for it, and the same goes for their help- but I don’t think they see it as an ask and tell basis, it’s either all or nothing. I don’t know how to explain it, but I’m so strained between the two worlds of bugs bunny and rated R movies that sometimes it’s hard to tell how it affects not only me, but my mom.

To tell you the truth, I dearly miss those days- the days where I was completely immune to the world around me and the most important thing in the world was the upcoming trip to Disney, or the fact that bugs bunny would be on later in the afternoon. Now I’m confronted with all aspects of the world- politics, economics, money, education, world problems, family problems, and all those little things in people who bug you that you never saw when you were younger. Somehow, although all these things can be a burden, I’m happy that I’m able to care about them. I’d rather be aware than immune.

My mom is having a tough time with the fact that I’m no longer her little girl and I guess I hadn’t seen that before, but now that I have I think I’m going to take the extra step not to be a b*tch to her when she intrudes into my recently attained freedom from school. I know I can freak on her, but like I said, I’m a teenager.

In the recent days, I’ve come to wonder what people really think of me- you know, the ones who truly don’t know who I am, who just pass me in the halls with a smile, ‘hey,’ or nothing at all. And with that, it’s required to do a little bit of self-examination. With this self-examination I have come up with a few key things about my personality:

  1. I don’t get mad easily, irritated, maybe, but once you get me truly mad you should watch out.
  2. Unless you do something really bad, I can’t hold a grudge for more than a day.
  3. I’m a generally happy person.
  4. If you’re nice to me, I open up and talk a lot more than you’d probably expect (:
  5. I prefer guys as opposed to girls for friends. They’re more laid back. Although I generally hang out with girls face to face, if you look at who I talk to most the list is more than likely all guys.
  6. I’m a very creative person- any outlet for creativity, be that photography, drawing, painting or most of all music.
  7. And lastly, if you don’t know me you probably don’t know any of that. at all.

It’s funny when you do self-examination, and you find out things about yourself that you didnt’ really realize. ANother interesting thing is the thought of human conciseness. It’s a miracle just to see the things around you, to taste the plethora of spices on my dads garlic bread, to smell the cooking of chocolate chip cookies. Life is a gift. Do NOT waste it…

The harmonious

Note drifting in the summers

warm, refreshing breeze.

Tumbled and rumbled

distorted

to the listeners ear

the distraught conductor

flourishes his arms

forcing the volume

to rise, then sink

the final note

on that warm summers day

hovering, as the people play

their instruments,

their tools for joy

to them,

 they are a children’s toy

the note ends

the audience stands

applauding

They have finished

They are done.

They are relieved.

Once Upon A Time

Happy endings grew on trees

the world was you and  me

and no matter what we did

no matter where we went

at least we knew we were together

Once upon a time,

every ending was the same old

fairy tale

relived again and again

but then we decided to break from that pattern

and create our own finale

Was it worth it?

Do you care?

Does it matter?

That what was there

is now lost to the world of never-mores and I wish that didn’t happen’s.

Once Upon a Time says fairy tale

But without happily ever after

what is left?

Of our lives?

Of you and me?

can it be, that

we no longer are friends?

One more time,

I beg you please

to make those leaves grow back on the trees

and write a new ending to this book called life

but unfortunately

nothing can be erased.

I don’t know, just one of those nostalgic days.

Eesh! Exams week is getting to me. Currently I have five more days left until spring break and those days will be jam-packed with essay-writing, studying, studying, studying and let me see, some more studying. I hate the end of term, but at the same time i love them.

It seems like we have to work wicked hard in order to be allowed those three weeks of miraculous rest. The way the school makes before break could be classified as a form of torture- at least in my opinion.

I sit in class, three days before it’s time to leave this dreary campus and go home. In my mind the palm trees are rustling around me, stirred by that southern wind. The seagulls flock the air, scrounging to for any food that they can find. The heat of the sun bores into my skin, and I am relaxed into a tropical paradise, and then with a slap of the book on the table, and a question asked to me, I am once again dragged into the dreaded world of winter testing. Although my vacation definitely won’t be spent in the Bahama’s or any other tropical place, I myself like to think that that’s what’s waiting for me when I’m driven off campus.

Currently, I have a french project, history paper, english project, and have to study for algebra 2a and bio, but I am forced to bear the repetitive pounding in my head and neck from this terrible headache. My mind is turning to mush as I write because of this headache. I think it might be a stress one, but what ever. I feel like there’s a battle going on in my mind, lets say the Civil War. the Confederates vs. the Union, battling to free themselves, and retake back the land that had succeeded. The cannons blast in my head and the rickashays bore into my brain, painfully destroying it.

While my capacity to concentrate on work has diminished, my capacity to make up weird stories has not. And with that I bid you adieu.

SO, yesterday I was in our school store trying to charge money to my parents account because I was out of money, which I guess is illegal, and I saw this kid who’s my friend, and another guy buying stuff for their end of term english project. The kid i’m friends with is on crutches and has been sick, so he’s been falling behind on homework, and since his partner does like nothing, I thought why not help them. When I asked him if he needed any help, he looked at me, but it wasn’t just like a normal look, it was different. It was as if he was trying to figure out my intentions, it was a look that when straight into my heart. I’m not really sure if he knows he gave me that look, but I’ve been thinking about it for a while. It was a very kind gaze.. and then he said that if I wasn’t busy, or bored then I could but he didn’t want to take me away from my project.

A lot of people don’t really like this kid- I mean they like him, but not all the time. This kid is very… old-fashioned and sometimes kinda harsh but I have a feeling he’s really sweet inside. Recently he’s started to talk to me more and more, so I don’t know. maybe something’s there.

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