As the Snow Falls

Archive for January 2010

I slip on my flowered dress, and zip it up, quickly glancing in the mirror making sure my hair didn’t mess up. My face lacked makeup, as I knew hundreds of tears would silently roll over my cheeks, eventually falling to the floor. I took a deep breath, calming myself for what was to come. I walked up the ocean carpeted stairs, the third to the top creaking as always. Walking over to the front door, I slipped on my brown fancy shoes that sort of resembled flip-flops, over my black ankle brace. Then I tugged my arms into the grey Aeropostale sweatshirt I loved so much, kissed my mom on the cheek, and screamed Good-bye! To my house. I was off on the last day of school.

        As I walked, and limped across the top field, my ankle badly sprained,  heading to school for the last time. My heart felt heavier; friends, recognition, familiarity, family, I was leaving them all in two short months. I tried to push all those thoughts from my mind, trying to make this a happy day, but not really succeeding. As my grade came into view, I realized they were only ‘my’ grade for the next four hours. I was losing them today. An audible sigh escaped through my mouth, as I walked up next to my friends. I looked over at my ex, my best friend, my enemy, all in one package and said “hey” not wanting the last day to be spoiled by our tensions. “Well ain’t someone colorful today?” he replied, smiling and giving me a hug, but behind that smile I saw in his eyes sadness; he was trying to keep a good face for me. God this is going to be such a hard day. I inwardly cringed.

       I kept talking to some more of my friends, who looked gorgeous in their brand new dresses, heels, and makeup- apparently they were hoping to be tear free; I couldn’t even take that chance.

      The first bell rang, allowing us into the building, and all the eighth graders, distinct by their fancy clothes, stampeded up the stairs as usual. I walked over to my locker, giving the knob the three twists needed to open it 18, 0, 34, click. It popped open to reveal the once colorful home away from home bare, empty of its memories as if it had not housed my items for the last nine months. Throwing my jacket into the locker, I simultaneously stripped my ankle of its supportive brace, instantly regretting. Heavily limping into the classroom, Mr. Agins greeted me with a smile and said ‘you ready Sarah?’ I replied with a nod, a smile, and an internal yes. I was ready, whether I wanted to be or not.

       Before I knew it the eighth graders, my classmates- some since preschool, all lined up in procession ready to graduate. We were marched down the stairs, for the all school procession, and strode into the auditorium, side by side. To my right was Travis Adams, a short, very talkative, annoying kid, and it was with him that I walked down the long aisle filled with staring eyes of the younger kids. We parted when we reached the front of the room, went around and took our seats. After all the students had reached their chair, the awards ceremony had begun.

      Time and time again, me and my best friend Lindsay were called up to the podium to receive awards, excellence in science, first clarinet in the state orchestra, excellence in language arts, excellence in algebra. The list went on and on- I think we got more awards combined than the rest of our grade. Finally the all school assembly was over, and we proceeded to walk out and into the adjacent cafeteria.

       The teachers all carefully lined us up again and brought us to the doors of the auditorium. Now it was time for the big stage. This time, to my left stood Collin Larkin. He was almost shorter than me, dark brown hair, fair skinned, and an excellent musician. We had done all-state together this year, and shared Mr. Dumas’s favorite student spot. Almost gliding down the aisle, with a red rose in my hand, I took my seat, only to be stared at by my attending family members.

       Yet again they went through, only this time with different awards that were more mentions- to make people not feel left out. Then it came, the famous Mr.Agins 8th Grade Slideshow- the slideshow that to this day makes me tear up. One of the songs on that slideshow was “Send Me on My Way” by Rusted Root, also the last song he played at our Eighth grade dance. I thought I was holding on well; tears barely being held back, a self-made remix of “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz playing in the background, when the pictures stopped showing up and the slides said:

                                                               “In a few minutes”

                                                        “You will no longer be ours”

                                                  “You will no longer be a ‘Panther’”

                                                  “Most of you will become a ‘Bear’”

                                          “ But not for another four and a half minutes”

                                                    “Because there is one more song”

         At this point, all I could think was, I’m leaving them, my friends, my family, people I have known for my entire life, all for some stupid school! Although now I know that wasn’t right to think, I just remember that feeling of loss. Tears started dripping from the corners of my eyes, a silent acceptance of leaving, as through blurred eyes I tried to watch the rest of the slide show. With “Send Me On My Way” by Rusted Root playing in the background, the pictures went by as if those four minutes had been a few seconds and before I knew it, we were at the end of a twenty-two minute slide show, left with these words.

                                                     “ You are no longer 8th graders”

                                               “You are now freshmen in high school”

                                                          “Go and do great things”

                                                         “Just promise us one thing”

                                        “You will always remember your launching pad”

   And with a final shot of our grade getting a class picture,

“The End”

“The Beginning”

    The slideshow was over. I was no longer a member of the Stonington Community, I was in the land of the unknown. I was a pelican. Tears were now the Nile River on my face, as I desperately tried to stop them. They were still sneaking out of the corners of my squeezed-shut eyes, but I had managed to stop myself from publically bawling. Walking out of the auditorium again, we crossed into the food-ridden cafeteria, to meet our families and congregate with friends. I grabbed a brownie from the tray, hoping that eating would stop my hands from noticeably shaking, when I saw Jessica, tears streaming down her face, quickly walk through the crowd, and give me a hug. That did it for me; I had given up control of my stormy-blue eyes and let them become puffy and red. Tears openly flew down my now flushed face, with a new onslaught coming each time a crying friend decided to hug me. In all the pictures I look back on now, I see my face; bright red, staring out at me with a fake smile plastered on my head. Eventually I managed to escape the family, and head upstairs to collect my things. There I found my best friend again, and I started silently crying. I leaned up against the lockers, sliding down the wall until I was sitting on the ground, giving my emotions reign. My time in middle school had come to an end.


Please let all your thoughts and prayers be with the people who lost a loved one recently even if you don’t personally know the deceased just pray to god that their family makes it through it. No one can identify with losing someone close to you unless you’ve had that awful experience of it happening.

Today I found out that my friend’s mom had passed away suddenly from a blood clot. Not to repeat myself but please let all the people who are suffering today be in your thoughts and prayers- reach out to them so they know they aren’t alone

During my ‘acting’ class today, aka ‘bravery 101’ we were given an assignment to write a love letter to someone you either a. currently have a crush on or b. used to have a crush on. You would think, that since I have a boyfriend, this would be a very simple and easy excercise but as it turns out, it isn’t. I feel like if I really liked this guy then i would be able to write a letter in a blink of an eye, and recite it without hesitation; thing is, I think we kinda rushed into this relationship so fast that I didn’t even have a chance to think about if i truly liked him or if i was just like ‘i need someone to cuddle with, hm how bout you?’  and it went from there; however slutty or bitchy that sounds i don’t care because I was lonely. now that I think about it, me and him together won’t work out in the long run. This was a bad idea in the first place- sure this has somewhat to do with his terrible kissing ability but also with the fact that I just don’t feel the same way for him that I should.. I should be able to write this letter. My problem is, is if I write it too him then it’ll encourage him more and he’ll think I really do like him. Currently, my options are:

a. Encourage him by writing the letter

b. tell him what I think, and maybe still write the letter

or c. break it off.

I’m going to write a letter write now to someone who i think is very easy to write too- my ex, and my best friend. i can talk to this guy about ANYTHING;; like he even knows the Alex problem

So here goes it

Dear soandso,

            As you read this letter here, you’re probably thinking one of two things- a. why did she send me a letter, and not just tell me or b. I already know this; who knows, you might be thinking both of those things. I’d just like to say I miss you.

            It’s been a long time since we were ‘us’, a couple, but it really doesn’t feel like it. I can remember it like yesterday, the days we almost got caught in class flirting, and those long conversations lasting until midnight- well past my bedtime. Who would have thought that with Ms.Prentis’ placement of seats you would become my friend, pencil-fighter, best friend, crush, boyfriend and eventually ex. Whether or not Ms.Prentis knows it she changed our eighth grade year forever.

            Remember that one time I almost told you I liked you? My fingers contemplated typing it into the AIM message box, and without thinking I pressed enter. My heart skipped a beat as I quickly covered up my mistaken entry of ‘i l y’ masking it as  I love yams. What a fool I was and I know you’ll never let me live it down.

            We share countless memories together, some involving friendship some involving more. I miss the feeling of waking up in the morning and knowing that you’ll be there racing your friends to see who can hug me first and the warm embrace I’d always get regardless of who was the winner. I miss that goofy smile you used to give me in the middle of class and the way you used to imitate me to no end- making me laugh,  resulting in some strange looks from a strange teacher. Most of all, I miss the absolute privilege of being able to see my best friend every day. No matter if I have an issue with you one day, flirty the next, or upset you can always count on the fact that you are my closest of close friends. While I have only a few ‘best-friends’ you know me inside and out. Even on the blurry connection of Skype you can read my expressions flawlessly and judge when something’s wrong even though I try my hardest to hide it. We’ve seen each other through the highs and lows of life and for that I’m grateful.

            We both have our special memories of what once was, and what will never be again and I’d just like to say that I won’t forget them. Playing soccer behind the middle school with a bag of Swedish fish handy, stealing a kiss in the elevator on the ride down to lunch when I was on crutches, blatantly flirting in the middle of class, that Memorial Day picnic- NOT fourth of July, with your family. Unfortunately I’ll still remember those last days of middle school- the dark days.

            The days where we avoided each other in the halls, our eyes meeting, only wrench my heart. I’m sorry for those days- they are my fault but you know they were inevitable.

I’d just like you to know that I’m doing great here at Loomis.. found someone I liked and everything. I know you’ll be proud but also jealous as hell.

Miss you.

Love you,


Dear Matt,

Seeing as you’re bound to read this I thought I would leave you a post. As I have known you since kindergarten you are a very dear friend to me. hahaha, well sorta. You know me for me, not the me everyone else knows me for- and i can bet you were confuzed by that sentance which was the point.

Since Mario will show this to you anyways, I figured it can be your birthday present! Not very interesting I know. BUT



So I’ve been ‘dating’ with this guy for the past week, the one aforesaid mentioned in a previous article and I have to say. Tonight was terrible. The fella can not kiss for his life.

Today, or should I say yesterday as I am up into the late hours of the night, our school had our winter dance- nothing formal, just a dance held by the parents for us to have fun at. Alex, he could not dance for his life at first; he had no rhythm and when i tried to grind with him it didn’t work out well. Eventually, he caught on, and it was going great. I have CCD, sunday school, this morning at 10:15 am so I told him that I was going to go at 10:30 so I could get some sleep; keeping to the plan we walked back to in front of my dorm (as I go to a boarding school..) and he kissed me goodnight.

Oh that kiss. It was just awkward and terrible. I never really appreciated how good my ex was at kissing because I hadn’t kissed anyone before him, but Alex.. oh my my. When he went I thought it was just a peck on the lips, and then would evolve into making out, but no he went straight for it. His teeth kept hitting mine, his tounge overwhelming my mouth and I was left walking away wiping my mouth from his slobber. It was nasty.

Don’t get me wrong, I like the guy, but if we are going to go out I want the kissing to at least be satisfactory and leave me wanting more instead of me wanting to run away. I feel as if thsi entire thing moved way to fast and we are going at it too quickly- i’ve only known the guy for a couple of weeks and I don’t think that’s enough to judge how he is.

Alex, while being sweet, is sort of socially awkward and NOT the most attractive guy. I’m thinking that with the grinding it’ll get better but i don’t know if I can bare much mroe of that. People with more relationship experience HELP ME PLEASE!

The tornado spins

twists and turns

rearranging the clothes

an attack on my drawers

The floor now overgrown

an unmowed lawn of clothes

Weeds amounting

to mountains of books

finished homework

a torture device

for children

The lady walks in

frightened by the trail

of destruction


by the tornado.

Ahhhhhhhhh I’m so lazy. Every day i clean my room, but it ends up being destroyed by nighttime- every night at checkin the people say, well sarah you passed but you stillll need to clean some more.


I don’t wanna clean

im tired, grumpy, and lazy.


It’s funny how things change from day to day; dreams, wishes, ideas, mindsets, even peoples social status’ move up and down like the rolling waters of the rough, cruel winter ocean. Today, I haven’t really changed, my political views the same, thoughts on life the same, person i like the same, and my desires the same.

Currently I want sleep as a new born pup wants its mothers milk; not only do I want that sweet sip of relaxation giving way to the world of dreams but, apperently I need it. Today in school we spent over an hour listening to a man explain to us the necessities of a good nights sleep. He’s world renouned, a proffessor at some big wig college that all us overachievers dream to go to someday, and he told us that teenagers should get 9.25 hours of sleep a day- almost three hours more than my average. He explained how lack of sleep can enhibit many abilites necessary for when you’re in school, and life in general. Apperently motor skills are affected- completely explains my clumsiness.

During this entire thing, I spent my time ‘cuddling’ with my boyfriend, the word cuddling in quotes because you can’t really cuddle with over 700 people, faculty included, around you. Alex is a great guy. We both do this winter program together called ‘backcountry.’ Our school requires people to do a sport, or some athletic excersize in replace of the normal gym class and in my opinion I belong to the best one. With around 13 people beloning to this club, we are all

View from on Mt.Greylock

Backcountry's trip up Mt.Greylock

misfits in one way or another- not quite misfits, but we don’t fit the ‘norm’ around our school. Many of the people are cityslickers who despise walking through the woods, or up a mountain. They think of the hard hike up instead of the astounding view on top, the icky mud instead of the wonderous beauty of the world- us nature-lovers embrace the earth as it is without the roads and common necessities that we take for granted. If 2012 actually happens, then we will be the ones who’ll survive.

That trip up Greylock, our most recent expedition, deprived me of my weekend sleep-in but gave me something else. Not only am I blessed with the wonderful view, but it’s also the trip that Alex and I really bonded. We hiked up a mountain together, watched Star Wars (:, and even played connect-four. It was on this trip where we started cuddling, before then we had both talked to eachother and i had suspected he liked me, but I wasn’t sure.

No one really suspected us to be together, as only the people in backcountry had seen us around each other. Alex isn’t the cutest guy on campus, but he’s nice, funny and puts up with my sillyness- which is the thing for me that counts the most. As you grow up, guys, you will tend to find that you don’t have to be the most attractive to get the girls- all you have to do is become their friend, make them laugh and really appreciate you. I usually fall for the one who becomes my friend, instead of the one who looks the best, because usually (I know I’m stereotyping) they are the ones who are just in it for some action and not commitment. The guys who don’t come by girls who are willing to go with them as easily are the ones who will hang on to them, and appreciate them more than dreamed.

Life lesson for the day 😀