As the Snow Falls

Archive for the ‘love’ Category

SO, yesterday I was in our school store trying to charge money to my parents account because I was out of money, which I guess is illegal, and I saw this kid who’s my friend, and another guy buying stuff for their end of term english project. The kid i’m friends with is on crutches and has been sick, so he’s been falling behind on homework, and since his partner does like nothing, I thought why not help them. When I asked him if he needed any help, he looked at me, but it wasn’t just like a normal look, it was different. It was as if he was trying to figure out my intentions, it was a look that when straight into my heart. I’m not really sure if he knows he gave me that look, but I’ve been thinking about it for a while. It was a very kind gaze.. and then he said that if I wasn’t busy, or bored then I could but he didn’t want to take me away from my project.

A lot of people don’t really like this kid- I mean they like him, but not all the time. This kid is very… old-fashioned and sometimes kinda harsh but I have a feeling he’s really sweet inside. Recently he’s started to talk to me more and more, so I don’t know. maybe something’s there.

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During my ‘acting’ class today, aka ‘bravery 101’ we were given an assignment to write a love letter to someone you either a. currently have a crush on or b. used to have a crush on. You would think, that since I have a boyfriend, this would be a very simple and easy excercise but as it turns out, it isn’t. I feel like if I really liked this guy then i would be able to write a letter in a blink of an eye, and recite it without hesitation; thing is, I think we kinda rushed into this relationship so fast that I didn’t even have a chance to think about if i truly liked him or if i was just like ‘i need someone to cuddle with, hm how bout you?’  and it went from there; however slutty or bitchy that sounds i don’t care because I was lonely. now that I think about it, me and him together won’t work out in the long run. This was a bad idea in the first place- sure this has somewhat to do with his terrible kissing ability but also with the fact that I just don’t feel the same way for him that I should.. I should be able to write this letter. My problem is, is if I write it too him then it’ll encourage him more and he’ll think I really do like him. Currently, my options are:

a. Encourage him by writing the letter

b. tell him what I think, and maybe still write the letter

or c. break it off.

I’m going to write a letter write now to someone who i think is very easy to write too- my ex, and my best friend. i can talk to this guy about ANYTHING;; like he even knows the Alex problem

So here goes it

Dear soandso,

            As you read this letter here, you’re probably thinking one of two things- a. why did she send me a letter, and not just tell me or b. I already know this; who knows, you might be thinking both of those things. I’d just like to say I miss you.

            It’s been a long time since we were ‘us’, a couple, but it really doesn’t feel like it. I can remember it like yesterday, the days we almost got caught in class flirting, and those long conversations lasting until midnight- well past my bedtime. Who would have thought that with Ms.Prentis’ placement of seats you would become my friend, pencil-fighter, best friend, crush, boyfriend and eventually ex. Whether or not Ms.Prentis knows it she changed our eighth grade year forever.

            Remember that one time I almost told you I liked you? My fingers contemplated typing it into the AIM message box, and without thinking I pressed enter. My heart skipped a beat as I quickly covered up my mistaken entry of ‘i l y’ masking it as  I love yams. What a fool I was and I know you’ll never let me live it down.

            We share countless memories together, some involving friendship some involving more. I miss the feeling of waking up in the morning and knowing that you’ll be there racing your friends to see who can hug me first and the warm embrace I’d always get regardless of who was the winner. I miss that goofy smile you used to give me in the middle of class and the way you used to imitate me to no end- making me laugh,  resulting in some strange looks from a strange teacher. Most of all, I miss the absolute privilege of being able to see my best friend every day. No matter if I have an issue with you one day, flirty the next, or upset you can always count on the fact that you are my closest of close friends. While I have only a few ‘best-friends’ you know me inside and out. Even on the blurry connection of Skype you can read my expressions flawlessly and judge when something’s wrong even though I try my hardest to hide it. We’ve seen each other through the highs and lows of life and for that I’m grateful.

            We both have our special memories of what once was, and what will never be again and I’d just like to say that I won’t forget them. Playing soccer behind the middle school with a bag of Swedish fish handy, stealing a kiss in the elevator on the ride down to lunch when I was on crutches, blatantly flirting in the middle of class, that Memorial Day picnic- NOT fourth of July, with your family. Unfortunately I’ll still remember those last days of middle school- the dark days.

            The days where we avoided each other in the halls, our eyes meeting, only wrench my heart. I’m sorry for those days- they are my fault but you know they were inevitable.

I’d just like you to know that I’m doing great here at Loomis.. found someone I liked and everything. I know you’ll be proud but also jealous as hell.

Miss you.

Love you,

Sarah

So I’ve been ‘dating’ with this guy for the past week, the one aforesaid mentioned in a previous article and I have to say. Tonight was terrible. The fella can not kiss for his life.

Today, or should I say yesterday as I am up into the late hours of the night, our school had our winter dance- nothing formal, just a dance held by the parents for us to have fun at. Alex, he could not dance for his life at first; he had no rhythm and when i tried to grind with him it didn’t work out well. Eventually, he caught on, and it was going great. I have CCD, sunday school, this morning at 10:15 am so I told him that I was going to go at 10:30 so I could get some sleep; keeping to the plan we walked back to in front of my dorm (as I go to a boarding school..) and he kissed me goodnight.

Oh that kiss. It was just awkward and terrible. I never really appreciated how good my ex was at kissing because I hadn’t kissed anyone before him, but Alex.. oh my my. When he went I thought it was just a peck on the lips, and then would evolve into making out, but no he went straight for it. His teeth kept hitting mine, his tounge overwhelming my mouth and I was left walking away wiping my mouth from his slobber. It was nasty.

Don’t get me wrong, I like the guy, but if we are going to go out I want the kissing to at least be satisfactory and leave me wanting more instead of me wanting to run away. I feel as if thsi entire thing moved way to fast and we are going at it too quickly- i’ve only known the guy for a couple of weeks and I don’t think that’s enough to judge how he is.

Alex, while being sweet, is sort of socially awkward and NOT the most attractive guy. I’m thinking that with the grinding it’ll get better but i don’t know if I can bare much mroe of that. People with more relationship experience HELP ME PLEASE!

It’s funny how things change from day to day; dreams, wishes, ideas, mindsets, even peoples social status’ move up and down like the rolling waters of the rough, cruel winter ocean. Today, I haven’t really changed, my political views the same, thoughts on life the same, person i like the same, and my desires the same.

Currently I want sleep as a new born pup wants its mothers milk; not only do I want that sweet sip of relaxation giving way to the world of dreams but, apperently I need it. Today in school we spent over an hour listening to a man explain to us the necessities of a good nights sleep. He’s world renouned, a proffessor at some big wig college that all us overachievers dream to go to someday, and he told us that teenagers should get 9.25 hours of sleep a day- almost three hours more than my average. He explained how lack of sleep can enhibit many abilites necessary for when you’re in school, and life in general. Apperently motor skills are affected- completely explains my clumsiness.

During this entire thing, I spent my time ‘cuddling’ with my boyfriend, the word cuddling in quotes because you can’t really cuddle with over 700 people, faculty included, around you. Alex is a great guy. We both do this winter program together called ‘backcountry.’ Our school requires people to do a sport, or some athletic excersize in replace of the normal gym class and in my opinion I belong to the best one. With around 13 people beloning to this club, we are all

View from on Mt.Greylock

Backcountry's trip up Mt.Greylock

misfits in one way or another- not quite misfits, but we don’t fit the ‘norm’ around our school. Many of the people are cityslickers who despise walking through the woods, or up a mountain. They think of the hard hike up instead of the astounding view on top, the icky mud instead of the wonderous beauty of the world- us nature-lovers embrace the earth as it is without the roads and common necessities that we take for granted. If 2012 actually happens, then we will be the ones who’ll survive.

That trip up Greylock, our most recent expedition, deprived me of my weekend sleep-in but gave me something else. Not only am I blessed with the wonderful view, but it’s also the trip that Alex and I really bonded. We hiked up a mountain together, watched Star Wars (:, and even played connect-four. It was on this trip where we started cuddling, before then we had both talked to eachother and i had suspected he liked me, but I wasn’t sure.

No one really suspected us to be together, as only the people in backcountry had seen us around each other. Alex isn’t the cutest guy on campus, but he’s nice, funny and puts up with my sillyness- which is the thing for me that counts the most. As you grow up, guys, you will tend to find that you don’t have to be the most attractive to get the girls- all you have to do is become their friend, make them laugh and really appreciate you. I usually fall for the one who becomes my friend, instead of the one who looks the best, because usually (I know I’m stereotyping) they are the ones who are just in it for some action and not commitment. The guys who don’t come by girls who are willing to go with them as easily are the ones who will hang on to them, and appreciate them more than dreamed.

Life lesson for the day 😀