As the Snow Falls

Posts Tagged ‘love

During my ‘acting’ class today, aka ‘bravery 101’ we were given an assignment to write a love letter to someone you either a. currently have a crush on or b. used to have a crush on. You would think, that since I have a boyfriend, this would be a very simple and easy excercise but as it turns out, it isn’t. I feel like if I really liked this guy then i would be able to write a letter in a blink of an eye, and recite it without hesitation; thing is, I think we kinda rushed into this relationship so fast that I didn’t even have a chance to think about if i truly liked him or if i was just like ‘i need someone to cuddle with, hm how bout you?’  and it went from there; however slutty or bitchy that sounds i don’t care because I was lonely. now that I think about it, me and him together won’t work out in the long run. This was a bad idea in the first place- sure this has somewhat to do with his terrible kissing ability but also with the fact that I just don’t feel the same way for him that I should.. I should be able to write this letter. My problem is, is if I write it too him then it’ll encourage him more and he’ll think I really do like him. Currently, my options are:

a. Encourage him by writing the letter

b. tell him what I think, and maybe still write the letter

or c. break it off.

I’m going to write a letter write now to someone who i think is very easy to write too- my ex, and my best friend. i can talk to this guy about ANYTHING;; like he even knows the Alex problem

So here goes it

Dear soandso,

            As you read this letter here, you’re probably thinking one of two things- a. why did she send me a letter, and not just tell me or b. I already know this; who knows, you might be thinking both of those things. I’d just like to say I miss you.

            It’s been a long time since we were ‘us’, a couple, but it really doesn’t feel like it. I can remember it like yesterday, the days we almost got caught in class flirting, and those long conversations lasting until midnight- well past my bedtime. Who would have thought that with Ms.Prentis’ placement of seats you would become my friend, pencil-fighter, best friend, crush, boyfriend and eventually ex. Whether or not Ms.Prentis knows it she changed our eighth grade year forever.

            Remember that one time I almost told you I liked you? My fingers contemplated typing it into the AIM message box, and without thinking I pressed enter. My heart skipped a beat as I quickly covered up my mistaken entry of ‘i l y’ masking it as  I love yams. What a fool I was and I know you’ll never let me live it down.

            We share countless memories together, some involving friendship some involving more. I miss the feeling of waking up in the morning and knowing that you’ll be there racing your friends to see who can hug me first and the warm embrace I’d always get regardless of who was the winner. I miss that goofy smile you used to give me in the middle of class and the way you used to imitate me to no end- making me laugh,  resulting in some strange looks from a strange teacher. Most of all, I miss the absolute privilege of being able to see my best friend every day. No matter if I have an issue with you one day, flirty the next, or upset you can always count on the fact that you are my closest of close friends. While I have only a few ‘best-friends’ you know me inside and out. Even on the blurry connection of Skype you can read my expressions flawlessly and judge when something’s wrong even though I try my hardest to hide it. We’ve seen each other through the highs and lows of life and for that I’m grateful.

            We both have our special memories of what once was, and what will never be again and I’d just like to say that I won’t forget them. Playing soccer behind the middle school with a bag of Swedish fish handy, stealing a kiss in the elevator on the ride down to lunch when I was on crutches, blatantly flirting in the middle of class, that Memorial Day picnic- NOT fourth of July, with your family. Unfortunately I’ll still remember those last days of middle school- the dark days.

            The days where we avoided each other in the halls, our eyes meeting, only wrench my heart. I’m sorry for those days- they are my fault but you know they were inevitable.

I’d just like you to know that I’m doing great here at Loomis.. found someone I liked and everything. I know you’ll be proud but also jealous as hell.

Miss you.

Love you,

Sarah

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It’s funny how things change from day to day; dreams, wishes, ideas, mindsets, even peoples social status’ move up and down like the rolling waters of the rough, cruel winter ocean. Today, I haven’t really changed, my political views the same, thoughts on life the same, person i like the same, and my desires the same.

Currently I want sleep as a new born pup wants its mothers milk; not only do I want that sweet sip of relaxation giving way to the world of dreams but, apperently I need it. Today in school we spent over an hour listening to a man explain to us the necessities of a good nights sleep. He’s world renouned, a proffessor at some big wig college that all us overachievers dream to go to someday, and he told us that teenagers should get 9.25 hours of sleep a day- almost three hours more than my average. He explained how lack of sleep can enhibit many abilites necessary for when you’re in school, and life in general. Apperently motor skills are affected- completely explains my clumsiness.

During this entire thing, I spent my time ‘cuddling’ with my boyfriend, the word cuddling in quotes because you can’t really cuddle with over 700 people, faculty included, around you. Alex is a great guy. We both do this winter program together called ‘backcountry.’ Our school requires people to do a sport, or some athletic excersize in replace of the normal gym class and in my opinion I belong to the best one. With around 13 people beloning to this club, we are all

View from on Mt.Greylock

Backcountry's trip up Mt.Greylock

misfits in one way or another- not quite misfits, but we don’t fit the ‘norm’ around our school. Many of the people are cityslickers who despise walking through the woods, or up a mountain. They think of the hard hike up instead of the astounding view on top, the icky mud instead of the wonderous beauty of the world- us nature-lovers embrace the earth as it is without the roads and common necessities that we take for granted. If 2012 actually happens, then we will be the ones who’ll survive.

That trip up Greylock, our most recent expedition, deprived me of my weekend sleep-in but gave me something else. Not only am I blessed with the wonderful view, but it’s also the trip that Alex and I really bonded. We hiked up a mountain together, watched Star Wars (:, and even played connect-four. It was on this trip where we started cuddling, before then we had both talked to eachother and i had suspected he liked me, but I wasn’t sure.

No one really suspected us to be together, as only the people in backcountry had seen us around each other. Alex isn’t the cutest guy on campus, but he’s nice, funny and puts up with my sillyness- which is the thing for me that counts the most. As you grow up, guys, you will tend to find that you don’t have to be the most attractive to get the girls- all you have to do is become their friend, make them laugh and really appreciate you. I usually fall for the one who becomes my friend, instead of the one who looks the best, because usually (I know I’m stereotyping) they are the ones who are just in it for some action and not commitment. The guys who don’t come by girls who are willing to go with them as easily are the ones who will hang on to them, and appreciate them more than dreamed.

Life lesson for the day 😀

Life.

Posted on: January 18, 2010

Let us die young, or let us live forever

We don’t have the power but we never say never…

As I lay here, my heavy eyelids drifting closed as my fingers dance around the keybord, I am onslaught with many memories; the ones that count. I remember the special moments, with that special someone; the spots in time when it never seems like the laughter will end and you are forever entangled in a world of happiness. But as always, the moments where the world surrounds you with darkness and yyou feel alone even though there are dozens of people ready to surround you with love and care. This blog, to me, is a way to not only express my feelings on paper but to provide someone entrance into a teenagers mind. As you are reading this entry, your first thought might be ‘I experience that every day’ but I can honestly guarentee that you don’t. No one knows how I feel, what I know, nor what I think. I am a teenage girl on a scholarship at a  boarding prep school who isn’t the preppiest person you will meet. I’m not the prettiest girl in the dorm, nor am I the richest. I am the one who grew up with all sides of the story and because of that I see a point in every persons argument. Not only am i writing this blog for you to read, i am writting this so one day, far away into the future I will be able to remeber my thoughts and that openminded sense that comes with being young. I don’t want to forget this feeling by becoming lost in my own little world- although that may be the easiest thing to do, it is not at all what I want.

And with that, I bid you goodbye and wish you a safe and wonderful internet experience (: