As the Snow Falls

Posts Tagged ‘relationships

During my ‘acting’ class today, aka ‘bravery 101’ we were given an assignment to write a love letter to someone you either a. currently have a crush on or b. used to have a crush on. You would think, that since I have a boyfriend, this would be a very simple and easy excercise but as it turns out, it isn’t. I feel like if I really liked this guy then i would be able to write a letter in a blink of an eye, and recite it without hesitation; thing is, I think we kinda rushed into this relationship so fast that I didn’t even have a chance to think about if i truly liked him or if i was just like ‘i need someone to cuddle with, hm how bout you?’  and it went from there; however slutty or bitchy that sounds i don’t care because I was lonely. now that I think about it, me and him together won’t work out in the long run. This was a bad idea in the first place- sure this has somewhat to do with his terrible kissing ability but also with the fact that I just don’t feel the same way for him that I should.. I should be able to write this letter. My problem is, is if I write it too him then it’ll encourage him more and he’ll think I really do like him. Currently, my options are:

a. Encourage him by writing the letter

b. tell him what I think, and maybe still write the letter

or c. break it off.

I’m going to write a letter write now to someone who i think is very easy to write too- my ex, and my best friend. i can talk to this guy about ANYTHING;; like he even knows the Alex problem

So here goes it

Dear soandso,

            As you read this letter here, you’re probably thinking one of two things- a. why did she send me a letter, and not just tell me or b. I already know this; who knows, you might be thinking both of those things. I’d just like to say I miss you.

            It’s been a long time since we were ‘us’, a couple, but it really doesn’t feel like it. I can remember it like yesterday, the days we almost got caught in class flirting, and those long conversations lasting until midnight- well past my bedtime. Who would have thought that with Ms.Prentis’ placement of seats you would become my friend, pencil-fighter, best friend, crush, boyfriend and eventually ex. Whether or not Ms.Prentis knows it she changed our eighth grade year forever.

            Remember that one time I almost told you I liked you? My fingers contemplated typing it into the AIM message box, and without thinking I pressed enter. My heart skipped a beat as I quickly covered up my mistaken entry of ‘i l y’ masking it as  I love yams. What a fool I was and I know you’ll never let me live it down.

            We share countless memories together, some involving friendship some involving more. I miss the feeling of waking up in the morning and knowing that you’ll be there racing your friends to see who can hug me first and the warm embrace I’d always get regardless of who was the winner. I miss that goofy smile you used to give me in the middle of class and the way you used to imitate me to no end- making me laugh,  resulting in some strange looks from a strange teacher. Most of all, I miss the absolute privilege of being able to see my best friend every day. No matter if I have an issue with you one day, flirty the next, or upset you can always count on the fact that you are my closest of close friends. While I have only a few ‘best-friends’ you know me inside and out. Even on the blurry connection of Skype you can read my expressions flawlessly and judge when something’s wrong even though I try my hardest to hide it. We’ve seen each other through the highs and lows of life and for that I’m grateful.

            We both have our special memories of what once was, and what will never be again and I’d just like to say that I won’t forget them. Playing soccer behind the middle school with a bag of Swedish fish handy, stealing a kiss in the elevator on the ride down to lunch when I was on crutches, blatantly flirting in the middle of class, that Memorial Day picnic- NOT fourth of July, with your family. Unfortunately I’ll still remember those last days of middle school- the dark days.

            The days where we avoided each other in the halls, our eyes meeting, only wrench my heart. I’m sorry for those days- they are my fault but you know they were inevitable.

I’d just like you to know that I’m doing great here at Loomis.. found someone I liked and everything. I know you’ll be proud but also jealous as hell.

Miss you.

Love you,

Sarah

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So I’ve been ‘dating’ with this guy for the past week, the one aforesaid mentioned in a previous article and I have to say. Tonight was terrible. The fella can not kiss for his life.

Today, or should I say yesterday as I am up into the late hours of the night, our school had our winter dance- nothing formal, just a dance held by the parents for us to have fun at. Alex, he could not dance for his life at first; he had no rhythm and when i tried to grind with him it didn’t work out well. Eventually, he caught on, and it was going great. I have CCD, sunday school, this morning at 10:15 am so I told him that I was going to go at 10:30 so I could get some sleep; keeping to the plan we walked back to in front of my dorm (as I go to a boarding school..) and he kissed me goodnight.

Oh that kiss. It was just awkward and terrible. I never really appreciated how good my ex was at kissing because I hadn’t kissed anyone before him, but Alex.. oh my my. When he went I thought it was just a peck on the lips, and then would evolve into making out, but no he went straight for it. His teeth kept hitting mine, his tounge overwhelming my mouth and I was left walking away wiping my mouth from his slobber. It was nasty.

Don’t get me wrong, I like the guy, but if we are going to go out I want the kissing to at least be satisfactory and leave me wanting more instead of me wanting to run away. I feel as if thsi entire thing moved way to fast and we are going at it too quickly- i’ve only known the guy for a couple of weeks and I don’t think that’s enough to judge how he is.

Alex, while being sweet, is sort of socially awkward and NOT the most attractive guy. I’m thinking that with the grinding it’ll get better but i don’t know if I can bare much mroe of that. People with more relationship experience HELP ME PLEASE!